The Secret to Resilient Relationships

Have you ever wondered what makes resilient relationships? Why some deepen through challenge while others fall apart?

The secret isn’t just compatibility or communication. It’s something deeper, more foundational: psychological safety.

It’s that powerful sense of I’m safe to be myself here.

To speak honestly. To make mistakes. To feel seen and still belong.

And it matters everywhere: in our partnerships, with our children, in our teams, and in our coaching conversations. 

In parenting, psychological safety is the #1 predictor of a child’s resilience. It comes from having even one adult they can be authentic with without fear of judgment or rejection.

In workplaces, it’s the foundation of resilient teams where people can speak up, take risks, and recover from stress together, not alone.

But how doe we create that sense of safety?

It starts with understanding something called neuroception, a term coined by Dr. Stephen Porges, one of the world’s leading experts on the autonomic nervous system. Neuroception describes how our bodies subconsciously detect whether a situation is safe or threatening not through logic, but through felt sense.

When we feel safe, our brain activates what Porges calls the social engagement system allowing us to connect, listen, empathize, collaborate, and even be creative and bold.

But when we sense danger (even subtle disconnection or tension), we protect. We shut down. We withdraw.

This happens in parenting, in relationships, in leadership and in teams.

So the work of building resilient relationships, at home or at work, starts with becoming the kind of presence that communicates safety.

On the Diamonds in Dumpster Fires podcast, I shared one practice I have learned: the Neuroception Check-In. 

Before you enter a room or a conversation, pause and ask:

What am I signaling right now through my breath, voice, body, and presence?

Then soften. Breathe. Relax your shoulders.

Let your body tell others: you are safe with me.

This isn’t just for personal relationships. It is a key part of our coaching presence, too.

Before getting on a call with a client, give yourself at least 15 minutes to tend to your own nervous system. Lengthen your spine. Breathe deeply. Exhale longer than you inhale.

Move your body. Smile. Ground yourself.

The safety you create in yourself becomes the space your client steps into.

I’d love for you to listen to the full conversation. Just click here.

It’s about nervous system healing, relational resilience, and how we begin again first with ourselves, then with others because here’s what I’ve seen over and over again: 

Authentic connection is not a luxury. It's essential to resilience. We are wired to co-regulate.

We thrive in relationships that feel real, kind, and safe.

This is where healing happens. Where leadership flourishes. Where kids grow strong.

Where love becomes sustainable. 

So, ask yourself:

• Where do I feel safe to be fully myself?
• How can I become that space for someone else today?

Then try this:

• Before your next conversation, take one conscious breath.
• Become the safety someone else can feel.

That’s where resilience begins.

With love,

Monica

P.S. If this conversation speaks to you, I’d love for you to share it. The world needs more safe, strong, connected humans.