It’s not just about resilience. It’s a matter of life

Last week, I stood beside my mother in the hospital, shocked by what I was seeing. My mother is usually radiant, strong, vibrant, and fiercely independent. Now, she could barely speak, could not stand, and was struggling to stay present with us.

I knew she had been unwell, but I had not understood how unwell. I had been calling repeatedly, and when she answered, she said very little. My father had lost his phone, which made it even harder to understand what was happening. Eventually, I asked my brother to go and see them. When he arrived, he was so alarmed by her condition that he took her to the hospital.

I was preparing for the first live session of Resilience in Service, our new program for law enforcement officers. I had poured so much into creating it and was excited to begin with this group. Instead, I postponed the session and drove to the hospital to be with my parents.

After hours of tests, my mother was diagnosed with severe pneumonia. We went home with antibiotics and the hope that she would soon begin to improve. The next couple of days were terrifying. She became weaker and more confused, and there was concern that her heart might also be affected. On one day, I called 911 twice. One of those calls came after she tried to get out of bed, fell, and hit her head.

I spent six days with my parents. For a while, our world became very small. We focused on helping her drink, encouraging her to eat, keeping her comfortable, and watching for signs that she was turning a corner. Thankfully, she did.

Throughout those days, something surprised me. My mother is my best friend, my confidant, and one of my greatest sources of inspiration, yet I felt remarkably calm and centered. I noticed myself returning to my breath and taking things one moment at a time. My parents live in the country, and stepping into the garden to walk barefoot and breathe helped me feel grounded. I found myself not only able to feel calm but also to support my father, brother, and sister, who had flown up from Mexico to be with us.

Looking back, I feel quietly proud of how I showed up. The practices I have returned to for years were there for me when I needed them. While my mom was drawing upon her resources, I was drawing upon mine.

The deposits she had been making for years

Something her doctors told us has stayed with me. They explained that her strong foundation of health had been an important factor in helping her get through such a severe illness.

I immediately thought about what I call our Resilience Bank Account.

My mother had been making deposits into hers for decades. She had been nourishing herself, moving her body, tending to her massive garden and chickens, and caring for her health through ordinary, repeated actions. She was not doing these things because she knew a crisis was coming. They were simply part of how she lived.

One of those habits is her daily smoothie. She has been making it for about fifteen years, and one of her blenders had registered more than 4,500 smoothies. That number makes me smile. It also says something powerful about consistency.

Many of the ingredients come from her garden. She grows them, gathers them, and blends them into something nourishing. Day after day, year after year, she makes that small deposit.

I make her smoothie too, although I have not always been as consistent. After spending those six days with her, I have started making it regularly again. In fact, I am drinking one as I write this, and I am sharing her recipe below.

Her smoothie is one part of a much larger picture. What struck me was the foundation she had built through years of caring for herself, and the reserves she had available when she became so ill.

We make the deposits before we need them

This is something I teach, but watching my mother struggle brought it home to me in a way I will never forget. We make deposits before the crisis, before the unexpected phone call, and before life asks more of us than we imagined we could give.

Those deposits can be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. They might include nourishing food, regular movement, rest, a meaningful conversation, time in nature, or a practice that helps us pause and find our footing.

We cannot know exactly what life will bring, and caring for ourselves does not give us control over every outcome. Still, we can tend to the resources that help sustain us through difficult times. Whatever our age or circumstances, we can begin with one small deposit today.

My beautiful, feisty mother

When I visited my mother yesterday, she was questioning why we were trying to do so much for her. Her independence was returning, along with her familiar determination to do things herself. She does not remember much of what happened, although we remember it very clearly.

She had been told that recovery could take four to six weeks. Just over a week later, she is already feeling much more like herself. She is still recovering, but seeing that spark return has been an enormous relief.

I am deeply grateful that my beautiful mother is here with us. I am also carrying a renewed appreciation for the small things we do each day, often without noticing how much they may matter.

As you reflect on this, what is one deposit you could make in your own Resilience Bank Account today?

My mother’s daily smoothie

You certainly do not need a garden to make this smoothie. You can buy the ingredients at the store. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do, and perhaps it will become one small, nourishing habit in your day.

An invitation to deepen your resilience

Helping people cultivate resilience in themselves and support it in others is at the heart of my work. Our next Certified Resilience Coach Program begins in January, and we are adding new elements based on participant feedback and program evaluations to create an even richer learning experience.

As we build on the program, we are keeping tuition at its current rate until December 15, when it will increase by US$300.

If you or a friend is interested in deepening your own resilience and learning how to support others in cultivating theirs, I would love to welcome you. I encourage you to register soon to secure the current tuition for the January cohort.

Join the Certified Resilience Coach Program, January cohort

For now, I am grateful for another visit with my mom, another conversation, and another smoothie.

What is one small practice that helps you feel grounded when life gets difficult? I would love to hear from you. Email me at [email protected] and let me know.

With love,

Monica